GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name: ____________________
Stage name: __________________________
Agent's Name: __________________________
Attorney's Name: _______________________
Actual Age: _____ Admitted Age: _____
Sex: [ ] male [ ] female
[ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female
[ ] both [ ] neither
If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
Occupation:
[ ] Lawyer
[ ] Actor/Waiter
[ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
[ ] Writer
[ ] Car Dealer
[ ] Pan-handler
[ ] Agent
[ ] Hooker/Transvestite
[ ] Other; please explain: ___________________________
Please list brand of cell phone: ________________________
(If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skin-head
Men: Please list shade of hair plugs ________________
Please indicate if you have Automobile Insurance:
[ ] Yes [ ] No
If Yes, please explain:
Please check activities you perform while driving (Check all that apply):
[ ] Eating a wrap
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Reading a book or other Newspaper
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, _____
b) and how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ___.
If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
a) [ ] Call the police to report the crime;
b) [ ] Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your TV;
c) [ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through;
d) [ ] Call your therapist;
e) [ ] None of the above (South Central residents only).
Please indicate if you drive:
a) [ ] a BMW,
b) [ ] a Lexus,
c) [ ] a Mercedes,
d) [ ] a Cabriolet.
If your answer is d, please add 6 to 8 weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's license.
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) [ ] stop your car
b) [ ] keep driving and hope for the best,
c) [ ] immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) [ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel?
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) [ ] never drive over 5 MPH,
b) [ ] drive twice as fast as usual, or
c) [ ] you're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
(Check all that apply.)
a) [ ] Prozac;
b) [ ] Zovirax;
c) [ ] Lithium;
d) [ ] Zanax.
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) [ ] 1 hour;
b) [ ] 2 hours;
c) [ ] 3 hours;
d) [ ] 4 hours or more.
If under 1 hour, please explain:
When stopped by police, should you
a) [ ] pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
ready,
b) [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
c) [ ] have video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
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